I Still Don’t Get Why SNL Didn’t Hire Me

Please enjoy the sketches I submitted to SNL back in 2019

Kristin Rowan
10 min readJun 11, 2021

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Photo by Tim Mossholder: https://www.pexels.com/photo/laugh-neon-light-signage-turned-on-1115680/ As Jeb Bush would say, please laugh.

Commercial: Noseguard Infomercial

Narrator: Chris

Patient: Host (could be anybody)

Mikey: Mikey

Kenan: Kenan

Kate: Kate

Leslie: Leslie

Pete: Pete

Aidy: Aidy

Michael: Michael

Alex: Alex

Kyle: Kyle

Mikey is sitting on a chair by a fireplace in an expensively decorated room like in Beauty and the Beast. He is reading a book. He is holding the book close to his face and when he turns the page it touches his nose.

MIKEY

Argh! My nose! I got a papercut on my nose!

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Has this ever happened to you? Or this?

CUT TO:

Kenan walks into a sliding glass door. He yells and grabs his nose.

NARRATOR (V. O.)

Or this?

CUT TO:

Kate is very sunburned and is building an intricate sand castle at the beach. A seagull attacks her face.

KATE

Not my nose! I need that for smelling!

CUT TO:

Leslie is the dentist in a dentist’s office. The Patient is in the chair.

LESLIE

Alright, now it’s time to rinse and spit.

The Patient rinses and spits into Leslie’s face.

LESLIE

That went up my nose!

Narrator enters.

NARRATOR

It looks like you need NoseGuard.

He hands a NoseGuard to Leslie. She puts it on. The NoseGuards are just clown noses painted to match the actor’s skin color.

LESLIE

Let’s try this again. Rinse and spit.

The Patient again rinses and then spits in her face, but this time Leslie smiles and turns to the camera

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