The No-Utensil, No-Dishes Diet
My toddler’s revolutionary diet
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My toddler does not follow traditional nutrition advice, but somehow he still has seemingly unlimited energy, regular bowel movements, and a positive demeanor.
If you want all those things too, here is what you should be eating:
McDonald’s
Specifically a 10-piece McNuggets, a handful of fries and sometimes a cookie. For a change of pace you could eat this at the table, but usually grab a handful and walk around playing while you eat them. Sometimes eat all ten, but sometimes misplace some amongst your toys and call it good enough.
Yogurt
The kind with a pouch and a nozzle. You don’t have time for spoons.
Bananas or Banana Chips
Switch back and forth between which of these you prefer, but don’t tell anyone.
Banana Bread
Cookies
Potato Chips
Plain Ruffles for sure. Other types will be considered.
Crackers
Most kinds are acceptable. Graham crackers are the best. Cheez-its and chocolate bunny grahams are also winners.
Toaster Waffles
Ideally Kodiak brand, but sometimes accept Eggos in a pinch.
Breastmilk
The hardest part of the diet to recreate, if you’re an adult.
Bars
Bob’s peanut butter bars, Belvita breakfast bars, Cerebelly, and Happytot are all acceptable most of the time. Listed in order of preference.
Pesto Pasta
Dumped out on the table and eaten with your hands.
If served anything else, be sure to give whoever served it to you a look that says, “What were you thinking?”
